my mother got pregnant during her second year in college and it was September 20, 2004. and it’s a peaceful sunny day when i was born in Quezon City, and my mother and father get married when i was 1 year old.
One of my earliest memories is from when I was 1 year old. When we were still living in Quezon City, my mom said that while she was taking me for a walk, I was in a stroller and she was pushing me. Suddenly, a crazy person slapped me on the head. My mom said she was very surprised and couldn’t do anything. And by the time I was 3 years old, my mom said I loved to watch TV, and every afternoon I would play with my male cousin who was a year older than me. My mom also told me that my male cousin noticed my many moles and said to my mom, “Where can you buy those?” which made them laugh a lot.
And when I was 5 years old, that’s when my stubbornness started to show. Whenever I was put down for a nap in the afternoon, I would sneak out to go to my cousin who lived next door to play. I even remember that whenever I was put to sleep in a cradle, I would pretend to be asleep, and while pretending to be asleep, I wouldn’t realize that I had actually fallen asleep. There was also when we were going to be injected; someone came to our house to give us the shots. My female cousin and I were terrified, so we ran away, and Papa chased us. We had no choice but to cry loudly. And of course, I was 5 years old and about to start kindergarten. Mama was teaching me to read and write, and when I didn’t want to be taught, Mama’s threat was that she wouldn’t let me play outside.
Then, when I turned 6, that’s when I started going to kindergarten. On my first day of school, I cried because I didn’t want my mom to leave me in our classroom. When I was in the middle of kindergarten, my mom was pregnant with my second sibling. Because my mom was pregnant, she often couldn’t pick me up, so I would go home with my classmate, who was also our neighbor. Then, when I was in first grade, I was still using a pacifier. What my mom did was threaten to tell my teacher that I was still using a pacifier, so I stopped. And when I was in second grade, I was happy because my female cousin was my classmate, so I had someone close to me. Our teacher at that time was our neighbor, and in her class, our teacher would sell all sorts of food. And when I was in third grade, our teacher was kind when she found out my middle name was Perez because that was her last name. She would always give me snacks. My cousin was my classmate again, but that teacher, when she got angry, would pour water on us, and we classmates would hide under our desks. And because I was naughty, I was happy even tho that was what was happening.
And when I was in fourth grade, my female cousin was my classmate again until sixth grade. She was really my classmate. When I was in fourth grade, we really loved cleaning the CR so we could read. We were the ones who cleaned the CR until fifth grade. When I was in sixth grade, it was my first time being in the last section, and my male and female cousins were my classmates. Of course, the three of us troublemakers would go straight to the river to swim whenever there was no class or after school. I still remember on Holy Saturday, my female cousin’s family had a picnic at the river. I wanted to go with them, so I asked my mom, but she didn’t let me. And because I was naughty back then, I invited one of my female playmates to follow us to the river. When we were at the river, the child’s slipper was swept away by the waves, and I, feeling like a superhero, chased after the slipper even tho I didn’t know how to swim. Well, the slipper and I were swept away together, but luckily my aunt caught me. And when we were going home, I was getting dressed, still barefoot. I didn’t notice that there was a broken bottle and I stepped on it. I was crying because the blood wouldn’t stop.
My male friend was still teasing me that I was going to die, so I cried even more. Then I saw my mom was already there on the bridge waiting with a stick in her hand. She got even angrier because I had an accident. I even told my mom, “Don’t tell Dad.” Dad was my grandfather, and I was afraid of him because he got really angry. So, the end result of our 6th-grade graduation was me limping up to the stage because of the bruise I got. When I entered high school, I became serious about my studies. I almost made it into the top 10; I was only 11th when the second quarter came around, and there were only two of us in the top 10. I don’t know why it was possible for there to be two of us. I always arrived early and never missed a day, so I was always the most punctual and had perfect attendance. Then, when I was in 9th grade, I remember that after New Year, my father (my grandfather) suddenly became weak. When he was rushed to a private hospital, he only had a fever, so I didn’t visit him at the hospital because I thot he would come home alive. It was January 5th at 11 pm, I was asleep when I woke up feeling groggy. I heard my mother and her siblings talking, and they said, “Father is 50/50.” Then, my male cousin woke me up crying and said, “Nicole, they said Father is 50/50.” I didn’t feel anything then, but tears were falling down my face. I didn’t know what I was feeling. Then I went outside because my mother was going to the hospital. I wanted to go with them, but they said I couldn’t. So, my two cousins and I waited outside. After a while, my aunt
When I was in senior high school, because of the pandemic, we only had modules. I didn’t take my studies seriously then because they were just modules. I often didn’t submit our activities. All my teachers at that time would message me asking where my activities were. I was like that until grade 12. Then, in the middle of grade 12, face-to-face classes were allowed again. So, during our graduation, it was face-to-face. I was happy during graduation because I saw my high school friends again. Luckily, I was still able to graduate despite what happened to me.
In August, I enrolled in college. Even just during enrollment, I was already having a hard time. I thot to myself, “College is really this difficult.” On September 12, 2022, my first year of college began. My female cousin was my classmate, and we were the only two together on the first day of school. We had a really hard time finding our classmates because we weren’t yet part of the group chats. It was only on our third day of college that we were added to the group chats and met the two gay men who would become our friends. In the first semester of my first year of college, my friends and I failed one of our major subjects. I thot it was okay not to take college seriously, but it turned out to be completely different once you’re in college. And during the second semester of my first year, our initial circle of friends disappeared, leaving only my friend and me. And that’s when we met three male classmates who were friends. They became our new friends. They were nice and pleasant to be with. I wish we had met them during the first semester.
Then on April 5, 2023, my friends and I planned to go swimming, but only the four of us ended up going. Even tho I was the only girl, it was actually fun. It turns out it’s not bad to be friends with all guys, especially since they’re kind and study hard. They’re the ones who help me whenever I’m having trouble with our activities. Then, for our male friend’s birthday, we went swimming again. He prepared everything there, and when we went back to their place at nite, we went to the fair because it was their fiesta in Reina Mercedes. After the fair, we went camping for our project that we needed to video. After we finished filming, we had a bonfire and chatted. Whenever I’m with my friends, it feels like I have no problems because we’re always laughing when we’re together.
And before the end of our second semester of our second year, I met a boy named Ken. I met him when my grandmother’s brother passed away. My male cousin came home from Tarlac with his two friends. The first time I saw one of his friends, I immediately liked him. The next day, it was raining in the afternoon, and we cousins were playing Uno cards at the house next door. While we were playing, my cousin and his two friends arrived from SM. They had gone sightseeing because it was their first time here in Isabela. Then they took the extra Uno cards and played with the three of them. The next day, Ken added me on Facebook. Of course, I accepted his request because I liked him. Then that nite, he messaged me, and I was surprised. He said, “Nicole,” and I replied right away. It turned out he was going to ask for candy because he thot I was at the wake. Then our conversation continued until the last nite. We made the most of our bonding because after the burial, they would be going back to Tarlac. Before they left, he left his jersey with me, saying it was just for me. It was the first time I had received something like that, so I really took care of it. We started talking on June 06, 2024, and on November 09, 2024, I decided to end things because we had been talking for 5 months, but we were still in a situationship. It turned out he had no plans for me and wasn’t sure about me because we were far from each other.
We ended things amicably because I thot our distance was the only problem. It felt like the right person, wrong place. He even wished me a happy new year. But on January 3, 2025, I found out he had been with another woman since the last week of October. I couldn’t say he cheated on me because we never officially dated. He was so good, I didn’t even realize he was with someone else. How could I have known? He never lacked in communicating with me, we chatted from morning until nite, and we were on call until we fell asleep. When I found out everything, it was so painful and infuriating because why did he do that to me? What did I do wrong? If he liked someone else, he could have told me, I would have understood. But he chose to deceive me. I thot he was the right person for me, I thot I was safe because his cousin was one of his friends, but apparently, they tolerated it. He still doesn’t know that I know what he really did to me. He still thinks we’re okay because that was our last conversation after he wished me a happy new year.
And because of that, I’m afraid, I’m afraid to love again. Nowadays, most men are different, they’re cheaters and womanizers. I’m afraid that if I try again, it will just happen all over again. So I’m a certified man hater, and that’s better than losing myself again because of this love life. At least I learned a lot. Sometimes in life, people come into our lives just to be a lesson for us. I’m thankful because now I know more, and I won’t be fooled again.
And now that I’m a 4th-year irregular student, I know I still have many challenges ahead, but I won’t give up because if I do, my parents will be furious HAHAHAHAHA. And of course, I’ll study even harder so I won’t fail any subjects anymore, and my only goal now is to graduate from college and get a good job in the future, so I can repay all the sacrifices my parents have made for me and also help my siblings.